thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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