I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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