i was born a porn star she said
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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