Kiss
Puke
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
