I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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