The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
