if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
