Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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