Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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