well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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