I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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