I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
