Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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