break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
