I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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