It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
