Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
