OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
