How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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