im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
