Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
