He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
