Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
