Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
