I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
