I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
