This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
