i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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