I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
