it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize