i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
