I can text with my tongue
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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