i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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