i think my tv is drunk
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
