So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
