***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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