What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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