The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My penis needs a shock collar
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
