You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
