how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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