I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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