I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
