I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
