I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My penis needs a shock collar
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
