i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
