I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
