I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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