Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize