We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
