It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
