Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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