Did you just see the Batmobile???
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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