I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
