when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
