Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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