Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
