never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
drinking out of a sandbucket again
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
