I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
