ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
