D3 body, D1 cock
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
