I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
