Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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