Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
