The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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