my mouth tastes like poor choices
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
