i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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