he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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