she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
