I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
