its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
