I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
