p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
