My nipple is on Facebook.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he thought i was a dude.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Randomize
