The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
