mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
