I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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