You can't motorboat a personality
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize