matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
