areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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