I cockslap morals
our cab driver is having phone sex.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
