I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
