Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
