If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
