thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
