There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
