my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she told me i tasted like america
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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