Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
