You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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