you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
When are your genitals available?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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