so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish I only lived at night.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
