she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
