whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
