I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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