my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
