Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
