i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
