That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize