I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
