I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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