Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You dont lie about slip and slides
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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