Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize