dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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