no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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