He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
