one two three fourrrrnication!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
